Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

Well, college is looming again after an all too short summer break. In addition to finding out that I received bad information in the spring about how many classes I still had to take (not 4, but 5), I also found out that the EDUC390 Practicum class became a 17-week course. That messes up a lot of plans, and, in some ways, makes it even more daunting.  In some ways, it may be better, because there are 90 practicum hours required regardless of whether they're done in 8 weeks or 17. 

In either case, after several days of angst, I dropped the EDUC390 course and added 2 more courses to the fall load.  I'll take EDUC390 in the spring.  Or...will I?

This is the real question looming before me. Of course, throughout all of this, I have been praying for wisdom. Every fiber of my being (well, okay, maybe not *every* fiber) is screaming in protest about going back to class.  I just do not want to go back.  And it honestly seems like every article, sermon, and book I pick up keeps saying, "God's ways are not the world's ways. Others will think you're wasting your life if you do or don't do certain things, but God calls you to do radical things."  

In particular, there was an article in Practical Homeschooling (not a magazine I normally read, btw) that seemed aimed right for me.  I wish I could find a link to it; it was that good.  (It was written by Jeannette Webb, if anyone wants to search for it.  The article was entitled, "For Them, or With Them? A Mother's Dilemma," issue #97.)

When I put together our portfolio assessments for homeschooling this year, I was not happy. I do not feel that I did as good of a job as I should have this past year with the girls. And the reason was that I simply could not. I could not do more than I did, given all of the work I had to do for myself.

And that is the crux of this issue--trying to decide what is the best thing to do right now, at this stage of my life. I went back to college, thinking that it would be the wise thing to do to prepare for when the girls would leave for college. Then I could get a job and help contribute toward their expenses. But as I circle back around I wonder, "Will they be able to get into college if I continue to not homeschool them well for another year?" (This applies more to Katie than Sarah, obviously, as Katie is entering her junior year.  However, my long-term concerns for Sarah are not to be brushed aside. She is in her critical middle school years.) 

In any case, I've prepared a nice pros and cons list for the different options.

#1 Quit...at least for now.  (I'd need to resume by around 2017 to be done by 2020.)

Cons: 

• Have to start paying back loans now
• May never finish
• Feel like I've wasted the last year or so (if I never go back)
• Feel like a failure

Pros:

• Able to focus again on my home and family--this is a huge pro for me.  Though it only takes up one line, it is worth at least a dozen.
• Less stress
• Have been able to apply things I've learned already to my homeschooling

#2 Reduce to 2 classes per semester

Cons:

• Still not concentrating fully on home and family
• Still stressful
• Will finish in December 2012

Pros:

• Will finish in December 2012 (It's a pro and a con.)
• Still working toward my goal
• Less stressful than 4 classes per semester
• Still get financial aid

#3 Keep my schedule as is (4 classes in the fall; 1 in the spring)

Cons:

• Very stressful
• Not focused on my home and family hardly at all
• Makes Craig's life more stressful, too
• Will be done in May 2012

Pros:

• Will be done in May 2012
• Still get financial aid and won't start paying back loans till spring or summer of 2012

Well, that's as logical as I can make it.  However, this is ultimately not all about logic. I sure wish it was! It would make it a lot easier.