A Poem by vison

So, you know, I’m a common person.
I can’t live on high all the time;
I can't stay under either,
I’m made of something that makes me float
Up from the deep dark pit at the bottom.
Here I am, stuck in dailiness:
A woman whose work is not only never done,
This woman doesn’t want it to be.
Queens and Saints went mad, they didn’t cook
And do laundry. They sat on golden chairs
Or lolled about in damp caves being Holy,
And thought they were like men.
Sisters, I got news for you:
Washing clothes and stacking dishes
Are charms against madness and despair.

Here I am at the end of a long heavy day,
A day I carried around for months,
A day I turned over and over in my hands
Trying to get it to be right.
But days, like the weather, have their own rules
And they proceed from dawn to dark
Exactly as if I wasn’t even here.
This is a lesson I haven’t yet learned
Though something has been trying to teach me.
I’m used to stacking dishes and folding clothes.
But sometimes you can’t stack or fold,
You can only endure the day from dark to sun
And back again. The best thing is,
It’s never as bad as you thought it would be,
Except when it’s worse.

~Sheila Engh

Remembering vison

A light has gone out of my life.  A very dear "imaginary" friend (as we like to call each other online) passed away Thanksgiving day.  I know. The imaginary friend part sounds weird, but the truth is that I have lots of online friends. However, you need to realize that I've known many of them for 10 years, and they are more real in so many ways than most of my real life friends. Yes, I miss out on the tangible things—the non-verbal cues and patterns, the physical appearance, the quirks and voice inflections, and the sound of their laughter and sighs. But I know their souls, and I know them in a way that I rarely get to know the souls of the people I am physically around each day.

I knew vison's soul. 

When we first met, I encountered a formidable foe. In the fierce halls of Manwë, we clashed on just about everything but mostly over matters of faith. She was an outspoken atheist, and her blunt style rubbed me the wrong way at times. I'm afraid Craig heard more rants than he cared to about vison! 

Over the 9 years we knew each other, though, we came to respect each other. She challenged my faith. I grew from that, as painful as it was at times. She made me dig deeper. She made me grow wider in my views.  I began to look at her not as a foe but as a friend.  I am a better person and a better Christian for having known her.

We eventually revealed our real names. Sheila always called me by my online name, though. I liked that about her.

But I never got to meet her in person. I never got to hear her voice either. I did call not that long ago, but I didn't get through to her. I wish I'd had her number before then and that I had called her earlier. I wish I'd been able to attend one of the get-togethers my online friends had. Maybe I should have been braver. (It certainly would have helped to be a little bit richer!) Regrets. I hate them. I normally try to live with an eye toward avoiding them. But no such luck this time.

We did exchange gifts at times. I will always cherish the copy of Cottage Pie she sent me—a book that she loved. We shared a love for Tolkien, obviously, but also for Laura Ingalls Wilder and Anne of Green Gables, and we gave each other gifts with those loves in mind. 

She was a writer, too. That's an understatement, really.  She was an extremely talented writer, and, on those occasions when she'd write us a short story or vignette, it was such a delight.  I can't believe I won't get to read any new stories from her.

(And after I wrote that I had to stop for awhile. Too painful.)
  
As a friend, her common sense and her wisdom helped me through difficult times. She could tell me that I was being too sensitive in certain situations; she could also offer to come and knock some heads together for me in other situations. She really did always seem to know the right thing to say, and she could see through situations to the heart of the matter, often using her sense of humor to soften the blow. Sometimes that hurt to have laid bare for me, but it helped. It always helped. 

She could say, "You are sweet and generous and she's being a touchy cow.  That's how I see it."  Or she could give me good, but hard-to-take advice: "Go, L. You don't have to like it, but you ought to go. In the future, you'll be glad you did. Trust me on this one. Poor L."  Or she could get wound up for me: "L., I'm glad that venting here helps you. But if I was you and people were so cheezed off about such ridiculous things? I'd bulldoze them into powder. For the luvva pete!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You KNOW it's dumb. Please try to never spend one minute again on worrying about this stuff. These people don't deserve to have you and Craig in their lives. Let me at them. They won't bloody well know what hit them. "

That was Sheila! LOL!  And she was always right on this stuff.

I won't ever feel like I've completed this remembrance of vison. Can we really ever sum up in a few words an entire life? (But if anyone could have, it was vison.)

So I'll close with her last private message to me from about 10 days ago:

Luvya, my dear. And I really do. You are one of the best girls I know.

I would go to church with you and pretend to sing. To raise a joyful noise! But it would only raise a shudder.  

*******
I assured her it would most certainly not raise a shudder. 

And I wish we could have done that together more than anything else.

vison and her cuppa
(Thanks to Jude for letting me use his picture.)

Advent Celebrations

Advent is the time of the year when we look forward to celebrating the birth of Jesus, as well as Jesus' promised return. Having been raised Baptist (and despite the fact that I also had a Catholic background), we did not celebrate Advent. I saw the wreaths in my friends' houses, and I thought that was super cool.  I didn't quite know what it all meant, though. 

When I was older and had a family of my own, I began incorporating elements of the traditional Advent observances into our own traditions. Somehow, now, it's acceptable for non-Catholics to have Advent wreaths and observe Advent, but I think this is a good thing.  Over the years, then, I've enjoyed discovering the old traditions surrounding the Advent season, and I've enjoyed creating a few of my own.  So I thought I'd write down what we like to do, and maybe it will inspire others.

Advent Wreath:

I created my own Advent wreath, but they are certainly not hard to find. I'm not the least bit crafty, but I think ours turned out quite pretty.

I won't get into all of the symbolism of the wreath; there are great resources out there for all of that.  But I'll highlight the basics.  You'll notice that there are 3 purple candles, 1 pink candle, and 1 white candle for the middle. The color violet is a penitential color, reminding us of our desperate need for salvation and a Savior.  The pink candle represents joy and is linked with the 3rd Sunday of Advent, Gaudete Sunday: Gaudete in Domino semper (Rejoice in the Lord always!).  The white candle represents Jesus and doesn't get lit until Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Advent begins 4 Sundays before Christmas. One by one, the candles are lit each Sunday, till all 4 candles are lit on the 4th Sunday.  At our home, we do this in connection with opening the Advent calendar.  We read Scripture for that Sunday. Sometimes we sing a Christmas carol. At other times, we read a short devotional.  When the girls were little, I had an ABC book about Advent that we would read every night as we opened flaps on the Advent calendar. We would also read it in connection with the Advent wreath on Sundays.  We always close our time with prayer.

On Christmas Eve, we light the white candle (the Jesus candle), read Scripture, and pray. On Christmas morning, we light the white candle, sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus, and read the story of Jesus' birth from the Bible.

For additional resources and ideas, I have several links on my Pinterest board entitled Advent, but here are a few:

http://www.churchyear.net/advent.html  (This site explains the basics and the traditions behind the wreath. It also has links to prayers and Scripture readings.)

http://www.churchyear.net/adventwreath.html

http://www.conversiondiary.com/2010/11/baby-steps-for-celebrating-advent-a-cornucopia-of-ideas.html

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/holidays/making-meaningful-christmas-memories/celebrate-advent.aspx

Advent Celebration:

On the Sundays or Saturdays of Advent (whichever actually works for our schedule), we have a family night. This involves cookies or some other kind of special Christmas treat, a special Christmas drink, and a Christmas movie.

Some of my favorite Christmas drinks are wassail, mulled wine (Gluehwein), homemade hot cocoa, and eggnog.  I make each of those at home except for the eggnog.

Again, I have these pinned to my Advent board on Pinterest, but they are all very easy to make.

Cookies are just whatever your family likes and doesn't get to eat every day. We like homemade Russian teacakes and shortbread, but I will also sometimes buy Milano or Bordeaux cookies from Pepperidge Farms. 

Among our favorite movies are A Christmas Story, The Santa Clause, Elf, and Rudolph and the other cartoon movies in this genre. I always save It's a Wonderful Life for Christmas Eve, as this is my absolute favorite movie.

So there's a small glimpse of how we celebrate Advent and Christmas. My main goal has always been to focus the season on Jesus, but I've never minded throwing in the secular aspects, too. However, adding in something like an Advent wreath is a perfect way to refocus everyone on the real reason for celebrating.

A Simple Wrap-Up

(Hey. This is my go-to meme for when I want to write but can't think of anything specific to write about.)


For Today… November 10, 2012 at 2:26pm

From the Heart:  

 

Blessed by friendship.  Worried about our nation.

On the Homefront: 

 

It's a day at home. Woohoo! The weather is nice, and I'm planning to head outside soon to sit in the sunshine and study my Family Herbalist material. Right now, though, I'm inside with the bread.

In the School Room:

It's Saturday, so no official school. School has been tough lately; I'm just tired and phoning it in, I think.

In the Literary Scene: 

 

Things Unseen by Mark Buchanan is achingly beautiful. 

Outside my Window…it's sunny and looks warm. Most of the trees are bare now, but there are a few stragglers around. Some of the beeches still have a few left, and the dogwood is holding onto hers for now.

I am thinking… that I need to get outside!

I am thankful for…good health and my family.  Friends and family.

From the kitchen… two pizza crusts are pre-baked and cooling, waiting to go in the freezer. The dough for bread is resting and rising again after its second folding. I should have 4 loaves of bread in a few hours.

I am hoping…that we actually get some shoe boxes turned in for OCC.  I am glad Craig and Katie had fun hunting, and I'm hoping we have a nice family night tonight. I am hoping we have a good turn out for the fair trade/human trafficking seminar on Monday night.

I am creating… bread! :) I have a few fun ideas for Christmas gifts, too.

I am hearing...Evanescence (Whisper).  Rock 'n' Roll Worship Circus (The Loveliest Bride)--this group is pretty funky, and I like their songs. And now it's U2 (Mysterious Ways). :)

One of my favorite things… good health, beautiful nature, days at home.  Music!

I am praying for... good health (always) and for wisdom.  Keeping my thoughts where they need to be.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week… OCC party tomorrow night, celebrate Martinmas, attend a PEACH meeting for high school graduation, Fair Trade Party Monday night, hiking, figure out how in the world to get the guy at Sinclair to return my calls/emails, AHG, Growth Group, band ??? (who knows??), and the last co-op for the fall! Woohoo!

I accomplished since last week… voted, hiked, co-op, went to a homeschool variety show last night, ran around, school, etc.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you:

Church, Prayer, and Loneliness

09.29.12  Disclaimer:  I wrote this in November of last year. I have toyed off and on with the idea of publishing it. I did post it on one of the messageboards I frequent, and I was dismayed that it made a non-Christian feel even more disillusioned with the Christian faith. :( So why am I publishing this now? I'm not sure, I guess, except that I think transparency is a good quality for Christians to have. This topic (loneliness) can be a real struggle from time to time--at least for me. Maybe it's not for others. Maybe they always feel like they belong, but I don't.  I've added some additional thoughts at the end to the original post; these thoughts arose out of the thread discussion on the messageboard.


Where a people prays, there is the church, and where the church is, there is never loneliness! ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I read that quote the other night, and it's been rattling around in my brain ever since--to the point that I dreamt about it last night and it woke me up early this morning (no small feat, by the way). 

Why is the quote bothering me so much? It's because I'm not sure I think it's true, and that is a depressing thought.  So let me attempt to analyze this.

If the qualifying factor is prayer, then that may change my initial reaction to the quote, which was instant disbelief. I do think that when people are participating in prayer there is a unity and a communion that precludes loneliness for all of those genuinely engaged in that prayer time. And, personally, that authentic connection to others can sustain me through lonely times and keep me involved in a local church when I would otherwise feel little other reason to do so.

I mean, to be honest here, some of my loneliest moments happen at church and with my church family. (And I'm not just talking about my current church; I'm really talking about every church I've belonged to.) I'm also not just talking about those times when you get excluded from activities that others have been invited to. Or the really infuriating times when your children get excluded from activities. To give the benefit of the doubt, I try to assume that those exclusions were done thoughtlessly and not purposely. (Besides, maybe there were times that I unintentionally left people out of things.)  In any case, being left out can absolutely add to the sense of loneliness you may already feel from time to time in your congregation.

But I'm also talking about the general sense of isolation. Maybe you feel that everyone else in the church is on board with something--a particular worldview, a theological belief, or a political ideology--yet, you just don't agree with it. Perhaps you speak up, and perhaps you feel the backlash from that. (On the flip side, you may also get a few people who come to you quietly to say that they agree with you, but they just don't want to rock the boat.)

Maybe you see people who seem to have very close friendships, and that stings because you don't. (In my case, I chose that sting purposefully. A slight ache is infinitely better than a gaping wound caused by a broken or failed friendship. Five times in a row. It was more than enough.)

On a side note, perhaps it's a matter of God calling you to find your deepest friendship in Him, and that loneliness is intended to point you in His direction.  (I say "you," but I really mean "me." Well, I mean you, too, obviously.)

But back to Bonhoeffer's quote. "Where a people prays, there is the church..."  I think that part of the quote is true but not all-encompassing. Church also means the community of believers that you worship with and are connected with on a regular basis. It also means the larger community of believers around the globe.

So I reiterate: Genuine participation in prayer precludes loneliness. There is something about participation in prayer that does bind us together.  It does not, however, mean that loneliness cannot or will not happen within a church, mostly because of the larger definition of church.

I guess it's fitting that I'm grappling with this idea on All Saints' Day and on the eve of All Souls' Day. We shouldn't feel lonely, but we do. Or I do, at least, from time to time. We are surrounded by "so great a cloud of witnesses" (Hebrews 12:1) that we shouldn't feel alone.

And I suppose at the end of it the key is prayer. If I keep myself focused on God through prayer then maybe I won't be bothered by the times of loneliness and exclusion I experience in church. Also, as always, an attitude of gratitude is my safeguard from sliding into self-pity. I do have close friendships. I do have a wonderful family. We are healthy, we are safe, and we are extremely wealthy by the world's standards. I have every reason to be content.

Edited to add:



You really shouldn't judge the Church as a whole by me. For that matter, you shouldn't judge it as a whole by any one person. Since we are all human, with our quirks, sins, emotions, fears, and insecurities, we are a often a poor image of what the Church should be.

We actually do try to be good and kind. Anyone would be welcomed if he/she came to our church. People would find an overall warm, welcoming place with church members genuinely desiring for others to "fit in" where they feel comfortable and find peace, joy, God, etc.

But--and I may be wrong in this belief--I think everyone battles loneliness from time to time. And people really do "live lives of quiet desperation," to quote Thoreau. Finding out the source of that desperation and working to overcome it is part of life.  However, we all have an innate loneliness that will never be fully filled till heaven. Sometimes we get glimpses of it, as [an online friend and wise sage] said, through community or relationships. I think that's why we long for true community; it's why we're social beings, even the most introverted of us.

And church does form a community. In fact, it really forms a family, and, like any family, there are issues.  But there are also innumerable blessings.

Review of "Rumspringa: To Be or Not to Be Amish"

Rumspringa: To Be or Not to Be Amish by Tom Shachtman

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


This was a fascinating glimpse into the world of the Amish.  The author intersperses firsthand testimonials with his own research and background information. Shachtman deals with a wider variety of issues than you might think would be encompassed by the idea of rumspringa, including the role of women, deeper matters of faith, economy, etc.

Rumspringa, in my opinion, seems a very bizarre idea. Old Order Amish shun the modern English world and yet let their teenagers venture off into it ill-prepared with no restrictions whatsoever. How any of these teens manage to come out of the other side of it without serious repercussions is beyond me. (And some definitely experience those serious repercussions!) To have the world of modern technology, fashion, and ideas opened to you all at once, including drugs, alcohol,and sex, is a completely overwhelming concept.

Furthermore, as a Christian, I have a hard time reconciling this idea of a "free pass" for these years to the idea of living your life for Christ, putting aside the old self and putting on the new self in Christ.

Anyway, if you are at all interested in the Amish, I think you would find this book fascinating and informative.



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Vacation

This was vacation...

And this...

It was good.



I wrote this once about the ocean in response to a friend who had said that she thought the ocean was scary:


The ocean is scary. It is also soothing. It is deep, vast, and humbling. It is wild and unknowable. It is also comforting, peaceful, and healing.

It is like God.


I think that's why the ocean is the one vacation that fills my soul like nothing else.

A Simple Wrap-Up

For Today… July 20, 2012 at 12:12pm

From the Heart:  

 

I'm excited to have Sarah home today after her week-long visit with her grandma in Elyria. I'm also glad to see it rain, and I hope it keeps raining for as long as possible. And I'm tired. This summer has been crazy busy.

On the Homefront: 

 

I got some fun things at IKEA yesterday, and I'm looking forward to getting them put up and out.

In the School Room:

Nothing. Oh wait. I'm working on portfolios! They are due next week, and I'm nowhere near ready. :-\

In the Literary Scene: 

I am enjoying Dante's Purgatorio. Like Inferno, it's an interesting account of the afterlife. 

Outside my Window…it's grey and gloomy, and I love it! Now, it just needs to start raining again. Also, the mailman just dropped something off at the front door, which made me excited. However, it turned out to just be a giant Cabela's catalogue for Craig. :( Boring!

I am thinking… that I have a lot to do! Ugh. And that's usually a pattern to when I actually write these blog posts. Too much to do? Well, why not ignore it all and write a blog entry?

I am thankful for…good health and my family.  Rain! Friends. I've had a lot of good times with friends lately, and I've been very appreciative of it.

From the kitchen… nothing. I need to go grocery shopping! Maybe I'll do that here soon.

I am hoping… that we get more rain and that we have a nice, relaxing but fun weekend. Craig really needs it.

I am creating… a t-shirt design for Dance Camp. Portfolios for the girls for homeschooling. A baby blanket for a friend. (This will not get done in time, I'm afraid. :( )

I am hearing... nothing, actually. It's weird. I don't have any music on. Need to fix that! < goes off > < comes back > There. That's better. How about (randomly chosen) Politik by Coldplay?

(Fanmade video--it's not too bad.)

One of my favorite things… good health, beautiful nature, days at home.

I am praying for... good health (always) and for wisdom.  Sarah and Judyan to have safe travels. My brother.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week… still need to finish my Family Herbalist chapter. I don't think we're doing the Color Run tomorrow after all. Potluck with the Greers on Sunday. Dance Camp next week, but I don't want to look ahead to next week. It's too busy!

I accomplished since last week… Moms' Night Out, went to Elyria and back, saw Kim, Matt, and Bekah!, prayed with some friends, worked on portfolios, dentist, celebrated Mom's birthday, lunch with friends, band, IKEA and hanging out with Jenn, Growth Group, etc.!

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you:

 

St. Mary's in Elyria. Funny. I have no recollection of this place, though I was baptized there. ;)

 

Review of Anne Morrow Lindbergh: A Gift for Life

Anne Morrow Lindbergh CL by Dorothy Herrmann

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


I have mixed feelings after reading this biography. Given that Gift from the Sea is one of my favorite books and I have enjoyed several of Anne's other books, it was disconcerting to read some of the details of her political views and the views of her husband, as well. Nazis? Isolationists? Yikes. In Anne's defense, you get the sense that she struggled to form her own views separate from her husband's. The author harps on this point quite a bit, but I do not think it's unusual for the time period--just lamentable, that's all.

The other thing the author enjoyed speculating on was the sexual relationship between Anne and Charles. I could have done without the majority of that. They were husband and wife--I think it's pretty safe to assume that they (a) had sex and (b) probably enjoyed it.

I read biographies, however, because I think people are fascinating. Anne is no exception. She seemed shy, reserved, high-strung, anxious, but also deep, gracious, and charming, with the soul of a poet and an artist. She was dominated by her larger-than-life husband, but I do think it's telling that, of the two, I know far more about Anne than I do Charles. And I think her legacy is just as unique and lasting as his.



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Habits

Studies say that it takes 28 days to form a new habit. I don't know what the studies say about breaking an old habit, but I'd guess it takes at least twice as long. On one hand, that's a somewhat discouraging thought. On the other hand, it does explain why I'm still tempted each day to not continue in the new behaviors I'm trying to put into place. I'm not just putting into place new behaviors--I'm changing old habits. 

This is a thought worth highlighting. When we add a new habit, aren't we really replacing an old one? When I add in reading my Bible every day, for example, am I not really replacing whatever habit I had before that (free time, computer time, reading whatever I want, extra sleep, etc.)?  If I'm right in that thinking, then maybe the 28 days thing is just completely false. Maybe it actually takes more time than that since you are really replacing and breaking old habits in favor of new ones.

So here's what I'm trying to do right now. 

1) Get out of bed and immediately go take my shower.

I know; to many of you, the thought of doing anything else seems weird, but I typically don't have anywhere to go in the mornings. Since I'm not a morning person, I don't want to get out of bed in the first place, and I certainly don't want to go do something right away that resembles work. I want to stumble out to the kitchen, fix my tea, grab some breakfast (I'm getting to those habits next!), and park myself on the computer till the caffeine starts clearing the cobwebs out of my head.

However, what happens during the school year is this. After being a computer zombie for a while, then it's time to start school, so we go start school. Then it's time for lunch, and, afterwards, more school. Well, gee, now it's 2pm or so, and I'm not showered or presentable to anyone outside of my home. UPS Guy? I run and hide! Go outside and fill up the bird feeders or do something else that needs done? No way. 

So I decided this was ridiculous. And I've been working on breaking this habit for a little less than a month now.  And every day I'm still tempted to slide out of bed and go into zombie mode. Every day.  God is giving me the victory, though!

2) Breakfast will not consist of whatever food I can shove in my mouth whilst still half asleep.

Getting that shower first has really helped with this one. I am at least a little more awake by the time I make it out to the kitchen. I've stopped buying fruit and grain bars, too, which helps. I would eat two of those every morning, and that was my breakfast--not the worst choice, by any stretch of the imagination, but not the best either. So now I'm trying to be better about picking better foods, whole foods, good stuff, etc.  So far, so good.

3) My morning cuppa does not need 2+ teaspoons of sugar in it to be palatable.

Well, I must confess some failings in this one. As it turns out, I do think some sugar is needed to make my tea palatable (Barry's Irish Breakfast, in case you're curious). I drank it black for about a week, and I finally caved. To be fair, this is not some mild herbal tea. This is serious tea.  I am keeping it to 1 teaspoon of sugar, though.  (Before you suggest it, no, stevia doesn't cut it. I drink my iced tea with stevia, and that is fine. But it really doesn't work with strong, black tea.  Honey won't work for it either.)

Okay, so far, there's a definite morning theme going on with my changes. :) I guess that was an area where I felt I had a lot of weakness.

The other habit I'm trying to add in is more exercise. I kind of hesitate to write it out here because I'm afraid that I'll jinx myself. But I am getting out more and doing more stuff--hiking, walking, gardening, etc. I'd like to make that a consistent thing, at least 3 times a week. (Small goal for 3 months. Big goal is 5 times a week, and I've given myself 6 months to implement that.)

One thing I read in my Family Herbalist book that has been helpful is to realize that a lifestyle change might take as much as 2 years to implement. So write out your goals, set smaller, incremental goals, rank them as to how easy you think they'll be to put into place, and then start with the easier ones first, gradually adding in other goals as you go. (The key here is gradually. For me, I tend to think that a week's time is gradual; this was encouraging to read that gradual might mean 2 years. That takes a lot of pressure off!)

So is anyone else working on changing any habits?

A Simple Wrap-Up

For Today… June 11, 2012 at 3:33pm

From the Heart:  I'm enjoying a day at home by myself. The girls are with Mom, and Craig is with some guys fishing on Lake Erie. I am cleaning, getting on the computer, taking care of administrative-type stuff, listening to music, praying and thinking, etc. Rinse and repeat.

On the Homefront: I need to go grocery shopping, so there's nothing being made at the moment. I am cleaning, though. All of the birds are restocked on food, including the hummingbirds. (I hate emptying their feeder because of the dead ants floating in it. Yuck.) It's been raining all day, so I'm happy that I don't have to water my new landscaping. I have decided that watering stuff is Very. Boring.

In the School Room:

I was thinking about the few things I still need to get for next year. I want some kind of Bible study, and then there's consumer math. I think that's about it, though.

In the Literary Scene: 

I started reading At the Back of the North Wind by George MacDonald. I'm supposed to lead the Book Club discussion on this. I kind of wish we'd chosen The Wise Woman instead, but maybe this one will be okay. I'm afraid they'll think it's very weird, as it is highly fantastical. Well, I'm only into chapter 4 or 5, I think, so we'll see how it goes. I like George MacDonald, in general, and he has to be cool since he was a huge inspiration to Tolkien and Lewis.

Outside my Window…it's trying to decide if it's going to continue raining or if it's done for the day. In any case, it's very green outside. :)

I am thinking… that I hope both girls enjoy youth camp, which is coming up in 2 weeks. I hope they don't get homesick and that they grow spiritually. I am sad for Katie that one of her best friends is moving, and I'm sad for myself, too, to see the family move. I think our church is healthier than it's ever been, which is a good, good thing. 

I am thankful for…good health and my family.  Rain (even if I'm leading a walking group in it tonight).

From the kitchen… nothing except iced tea. I need to go grocery shopping!

I am hoping… that summer camp plans work out well for the girls, especially Sarah.

I am creating… a clean home, one tiny bit at a time.

I am hearing... Caravanserai by Loreena McKennitt, the dryer, crows, and a cardinal eating sunflower seeds.

One of my favorite things… good health, beautiful nature, days at home.

I am praying for... good health (always) and for wisdom.  Craig and the guys out fishing.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week… still need to finish my Family Herbalist chapter. Band (I think), landscaping tomorrow with Jenn, walking group tonight, girls have karate, Katie needs to paint a tree on the wall at church, etc.

I accomplished since last week… MSBC had its first Day of Service, and my group cleared garlic mustard out of Grant Park near the Chimneys. We gathered at least 14 big trash bags full! I took some risks in the stinging nettle and paid for it, but I pulled a lot of garlic mustard out.  We also went to Young's Dairy and hiked at Glen Helen on Justin's birthday.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you:

Missy looking cute on the handmade quilt by my Aunt Olamae (my grandma's sister);
some of those fabrics are from clothes my mom made for me when I was a girl. :)

Music Meme (because I want to write but can't think of anything to say)

Did you play in the school band? Yes, I played clarinet from 5th grade up till 8th grade. Then I switched to bassoon (except for marching band & pep band). In 11th grade, I switched back to clarinet and played that into college.

Church choir? Yes, I did this, too, and still do from time to time, though my primary focus is the church band.  (Alto, in case it's important to know.)

What is your favourite song right now? Oh dear, that's a tough one.  Where I Belong by Switchfoot may be my favorite. I am also liking Cough Syrup by Young the Giant.

Favourite Lyrics?  Right now, it might be Where I Belong. 



Favourite Band? Switchfoot, U2, Coldplay, Evanescence, Death Cab for Cutie, Depeche Mode, Muse, Great Big Sea--obviously, I can't just pick one!

Favourite Soloist?  Well, I know he's old school, but I still love Sting. And Enya is great.  Kate Miller-Heidke is really good, as well, as is Sufjan Stevens.

Favourite Musical (theatre)? Well, I can't say that I'm a huge fan of musicals, and I haven't seen many in the theatre. I guess I'd have to say Phantom of the Opera. ??

Favorite Musical (movie)? Again, I'm not a huge fan, so this is hard to pick. The Music Man is funny and good.

Have you ever belonged to a mail order music club? Oh, yeah! I forgot about those. Yes, I've belonged to a few and did seem to come out ahead on the deals.

Do you still have your old tape collection? Yes, though I've tried to replace them with mp3's as much as possible. (I actually got rid of many of them not that long ago.)

Do you let your friends borrow your music?  I refuse to answer this on the grounds that I might be violating some laws or something. :D

If you were stranded on a desert island what CD would you take with you? This is an easy cheat--I'd take a compilation CD of my own design. :D It would include songs from the groups/artists listed above, plus more, I'm sure.

What song takes you back to your childhood?  I have several that do this--anything by Neil Diamond, John Denver, or Kenny Rogers. Those were my mom's favorite artists. The Eagles, too.  

What song reminds you of your teen years?  New Sensation, Devil Inside, Never Tear Us Apart by INXS, Faith by George Michael, Desire by U2, What's On Your Mind by Information Society (How can you not like a band that uses Star Trek sound bytes?), Kyrie by Mr. Mister, anything by Depeche Mode, Duran Duran, Pet Shop Boys, or Erasure.

(That is pure 80s awesome right there! LOL!)

How about your college years?  I was definitely heavy into Depeche Mode, The Cure, The Violent Femmes, etc.  The one song that I can say for sure would be Halo.



Your later 20s?  Okay, I will admit that I entered into a really dark and scary place here, musically-speaking. I blame it on Craig.

I started listening to country music. It only lasted for a few years, and then I came to my senses. But I did really like Garth Brooks there for a while. There, I've admitted it.

But I can unashamedly post this one by Garth:

http://youtu.be/rOUiboOsUwU

(There's no video to see, but the song is great!)

30s? I think I drifted much more into Celtic territory here and Christian alternative. That's pretty much where I am now still, only a little more into alternative secular.  Loreena McKennitt, Coldplay, Great Big Sea, Switchfoot, Flogging Molly, Ginny Owens, Muse--and so it circles back around to the beginning of the meme.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

(This was an old post that I never actually published.  I figured I might as well.)

 

I don't mean to make anyone feel bad by writing this, so let me say that upfront. It's just that, well, I tend to leave parenting classes or seminars feeling like a big, fat failure. (It's the same after reading many parenting books or blogs.) It seems like whatever I was supposed to do when they were younger I didn't. I didn't manage to be as calm and nurturing as I should have been. I didn't take every opportunity I had to connect them to Christ. I yelled. I lost my temper. I was too permissive. I was too strict. I didn't play with them enough.

The list goes on. Oh, I know that no one is perfect. No one does it right all of the time, and, of course, everyone admits that. It's just that when you're a perfectionist you've never done enough.  It's just never enough.

(Cue The Cure here...)

The Cure - Never Enough
Get More: The Cure - Never Enough

(LOL! Yikes! Pure, creepy awesome, that is.)

Anyway, I digress.

Ahem. So I was feeling pretty down last night, which carried on into today. I said something to Craig about it; the girls were there and joined the discussion a little bit. Tonight, Katie goes, "Why did you say you felt like a failure as a parent? What do you think you didn't do right?"

I gave her the short version of my answer and then said, "Why do you ask?"

She replied, "I've been trying to think all day what it could have possibly been. I don't think you guys failed at all."

So there you go. Straight from the horse's mouth.  (I'd apologize to Katie for comparing her to a horse, but she probably wouldn't mind in the least.)

For Today… June 5, 2012 at 6:59pm

From the Heart:  I had a nice visit with Carolyn today. We didn't get to see Venus make its transit across the sun (very cloudy), but we did have our French-themed celebration of the end of the school year with good food.

Big changes are going on all around me, and I'm unsettled about them. But what can you do? Cope and move on.

On the Homefront: New homemade liquid soap is put away in its container for storage. Herbs have been dried and have been put into jars with pretty labels. A pretty bunch of lavender is drying and is a source of frustration to Missy, who can't reach it in order to eat it.  (She stares at it and starts her hunting purr.)

In the School Room:

School is done for the year! Yay! But, as all homeschoolers know, school is never truly out. Life is school.

In the Literary Scene: 

The girls and I left off in the middle of Two Towers, but there was no help for it (sore throat & a cold, visit from Grandma Judy, and the end of the school year). I am in the middle of Cotillion, which is pretty good. The Regency-era vernacular dialogue is a bit much at times. ( "Dicked in the nob"? ...I will refrain from further comment.)

Outside my Window… it's cloudy and gloomy, but there is a bit of light on the horizon. A baby sparrow is convincing a male cardinal to feed it every time the cardinal comes to the feeder. I guess its wing fluttering and gaping beak are too much for the daddy to resist!

I am thinking… that I need to go water my plants, especially the hydrangea bush that is still looking puny after its transplantation. There is still housework to do, but, then again, when isn't there work to do? I am thinking that I should be counting my blessings instead of feeling kind of down.

I am thankful for…good health and my family.  Pretty labels on jars filled with dried herbs. Birds outside my window. A bunch of lovely lavender drying.

From the kitchen… a mess! But Katie and Hannah made crepes for dessert, and we filled them with jam, chocolate chips, and homemade whipped cream.

I am wearing… clothes. (Why is this question in here anyway?)

I am hoping… that my summer doesn't get too filled up with stuff I don't really want to do.

I am creating… soap, I guess. Dried herbs. An amigurumi monkey for Sarah.

I am hearing... the dishwasher and the girls listening to AFV.

One of my favorite things… good health, beautiful nature, days at home.

I am praying for... good health (always) and for wisdom.  A friend's father-in-law who has encephalitis. A friend who's on a prayer mission.  South Sudan.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week… no band on Wednesday, Lowe's to get house stuff, landscaping on Thursday with Jenn, Growth Group, celebrating Justin's birthday on Friday (maybe a hike on the Buckeye Trail and Young's Dairy), and the Day of Service on Saturday. Oh, and I need to finish studying the current chapter in my Family Herbalist course.

I accomplished since last week… I don't know. I can't think of anything major.  Oh, Jenn and I took out 5 huge evergreen shrubberies (< insert Holy Grail voice here >) around the house. I walked about 5.5 miles last night with two friends. I hiked 4 miles with Craig and Gail on Saturday. We had Cara and Andrew and the girls over on Friday night. (We watched RV. :D) It's been pretty laidback here.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you:

 

Be Still and Know by David Arms

 (Of course, the rest of that quote is "...that I am God."  The hummingbird is a nice picture of my mind, actually, so when I went to look for a picture to post here and came across this one first, I figured God was trying to tell me something.)